Honestly, I really wanted to go so I can be a part of sending you off. It’s important to me but you don’t even care.

Now I have a headache, stupid tears.

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I hate games forever.
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I’m feeling discouraged over something so little. But really…people need to just get over it. You win some, you lose some. Quit being such sore losers. It’s not like our team is even bragging about our victory. I don’t understand why people are getting so defensive. And the things they say are just discouraging. It kinda sucks to have so many people not on your side. I know almost everyone is hoping that we lose tonight.

Okay. Vent over. Time to move on from this too. Can’t let it get to me. It’s just intramurals.

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What Joy.

As you all know from my previous post here, I’ve been a very busy gal. I just did another fundraiser this past weekend which required me to be up until 3AM on a Sunday morning. And if you don’t know, I’m a woman who needs her sleep. So it was tough for me.

And then I come back to campus only to be burdened by the HSF Missions Committee eggroll fundraiser and all the preparations that need to be done for that as well as my homework load (because none of it got done over the weekend due to the fundraiser). I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed and quite powerless. I had a paper due today that I hadn’t started, I had to run to the store after dinner to get more stuff for eggrolls, I had to prepare everything for eggroll prep tonight…the list seemed to never end. And after my 9am class, I was feeling pretty stressed about it all.

But I went back up to my terrace and showered. And while I showered, I prayed that the Lord would give me strength. I prayed for that joy that I once had…that joy and love and peace that once permeated to the very depths of my heart. I prayed for Him to meet me…and He did. Yes, under the pounding of warm water on my back, I prayed for the Lord of Lords to change my heart and make me a true bearer of His image in every part of my life.

And you know…the Lord…He never fails. Joy like none other filled my heart and I was at peace with all the craziness of life. I walked out of that shower and felt like I wanted to just go and love on people. I wanted to go to those who I know I’ve been neglecting lately and see how they were doing. And I know that’s the work of the Holy Spirit in me. That’s Jesus moving in me and saying, “Okay Baoseng…I will give you the desires of your heart…and I will fill you with my joy and my peace and my love.”

So this is my encouragement to you, friends:
What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the name of the Lord.
What peace, what peace for those whose comfort is in Him alone.”

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Busy. Busy. Busy.

My days have been so packed. Especially my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays because I have all five of my classes on those days. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed with all that I need to do. I have classes & homework, work, HSF leadership positions (note that I have more than one position with the missions committee), and fundraising and preparing for my coming internship in the summer. My nights are always taken up by meetings, meetings, and more meetings. And it’s so exhausting.

I need me some Jesus time. I need to learn to say no to some things. I need to accept that I can’t control everything and have it all my way (<—a BIG problem of mine).

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Feelings are so fleeting.

There’s a part of me that wants to hold on and keep holding on until I absolutely can’t do so anymore.

And then there’s that other part of me…that just wants to let go. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be. Maybe life did mean for us to cross paths to learn and grow from each other but that time is now over. Maybe it’s time to let go of this chapter of our lives and continue on with our separate stories. Maybe there’s something better out there for us and the only thing keeping us from it is each other.

Because I’m tired…and you’re tired…so what’s the point?

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Rising up to the occasion.

I don’t think I believe in that saying.

I believe in working up to the occasion…in knowing that every decision you make now influences and affects the future. I don’t believe that you can succeed when thrown into situations by “rising up to the occasion.” I believe in hard work and determination. I believe in smart planning and focus.

You can’t expect to be good at it later unless you practice it now.

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She walks in starlight in another world. ⭐️✨